I get bored of myself

Can’t continue, date expired on my shelf, life lived lifeless, committed to seclusion, my brain tempts me, it’s wireless now, disconnected, badly affected by my rhymes, no one gives me dimes, not worth your time, nonsense dynamics, fun words making me feel ecstatic, there’s no meaning, only feeling, feeling the flow, now watch out, watch me grow.

Although I shouldn’t

I can be great, I am great. I am kind, generous, try to be patient, as a matter of fact, it is a disservice to everyone else around me to take myself for granted, to disrespect and expect less of me. I’m responsible for it, struggle with my emotions but I try.

I have been quite distanced from them for a while….I notice how it affects me.

I haven’t been motivated to live. To take care of my body, my only body I will ever have.

This carrier, sack of meat and bone, my existing throne carrying my spirit. It is special, special to me.

It is tough to take care of it. For some reason, it is easier to ignore what is beneficial and focus on the damaging. The fun or easy options. Is it willpower? Character? Mindset? Genetics?

Fiction mixed with the existing friction within my head, what a nightmare, dread, death, suffering is what I don’t and do desire.

Feel like fire, I cry in bed waiting for my future to show some sort of light that will cure my rotten being who stares at the sky with fear, fear and hope I cannot cope without some rain, special drain I have become. Gathering the excrement of societies. I have become the bottom pit of low levelness in mind.

Why?

No reason for it, shame and guilt are present, but at the end of the day those are just thoughts and feelings. Of course they must be connected and they are connected with overall health, but they are not as powerful as we give them the power they do not deserve this kind of wealth.

No benefit comes from this kind of stealth.